Who, me? I can't imagine why. You're talking about needing 15 forms of paperwork for doctors, insurance, and to verify that your parents were indeed US residents when you were hatched. And they say not to stress out pregnant women... Well, to that I say, stop with the to-do lists. "Did you talk to so-and-so today? Did you do this? What did you eat? Did you know this is bad for you?"
Yes, I am so aware. And they wonder why it's so hard to quit smoking. (Which I have, by the way.. Which makes me an absolute delight to begin with..)
I ask B; how would you like it? To which he answers, "Oh, I understand." And then comes the snapping of my neck, complete with incredulous look. How could he possibly understand? Is he the one that's bloated and sore and cranky and weeping all the time? Do I tell him what he can and cannot eat and drink? To give up smoking cigars? I can bet you a million dollars that it wouldn't be the same if he were to have to give up drinking coffee. Just one thing out of many. So, no, I don't really believe him when he says he understands. I bet he thinks he's trying and making it better, but really, it's making me even more annoyed.
And onto that topic; B. The friend that I moved in with to find myself. Who turned into a completely jealous, balled up, controlling freak show when intimacy started to get involved. And then, just when I'm making plans to move back across the country? Boom, pregnant. Fantastic.
Not that I'm not happy about this pregnancy, because I am. I've had the itch for children for awhile. It's just... I thought things would be different. Isn't that what everyone says? I thought my life would turn out differently. And sometimes we're happy that the results are different, and sometimes we're not.
The fiance (well, the one I left in the Midwest), let's call him M. M dislikes the way that B is so controlling. B dislikes that I still talk to M; even though we've been friends for over half of my life. M wants me to move back home. B wants me to stay. (He can't live without me, you know..) I feel like a chew toy between two dogs. And I want to put them both in the kennel. Don't tell me what to do; just listen to how I feel. M does that; B does not. B is "I want this; I need this" .. and M is "You need to leave."
So, now what? Now what do I do? I have no idea how I feel. And I especially have no idea now, while my hormones are taking over my body like alien invaders. I feel like a crazy, angry, confused person who cries all the time because they showed something cute on a thirty-second commercial. How do people deal with this all the time?
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